Leaving the Church
First, I must consider why I left in the first place. There were many things happening at that time, and of course, my own maturity was a factor. Here are some of the factors that I am conscious of:
1. Church Leadership - There were several things that happened that made me disappointed with the church leadership. The main one was of how a Pastor's unbecoming behaviour towards my parents who was then a pre-believer. The Pastor apologised later the same day, but my opinion was greatly affected.
2. Church Direction - Then I felt that we were overly focus on numbers. It felt like the church had lost its heart, and now focused on purely chasing numbers. In it's wake, it rose up leaders who were not ready to shepherd the flock. One such cell leader then even challenged the cell member to a fight. The cell member complied and both ended up with something broken. I should know... the cell member was my room mate.
3. Constant Re-organisation - Then the church was just adopting the G12 vision, and as a result there were many restructuring. In fact, it was so frequent that the whole thing felt so function, and it was as if relationships could not be build. Many people also left the church during the period, which also made me feel somewhat lonely and discouraged.
Wandering in the Wilderness
I left the cell about 2003, around my 2nd or 3rd year of University, and was attending church now and then. In its place, I had time to do whatever I wanted (whether what I was doing was meaningful in the greater scheme of things was another question).
I took on my first job, and naturally, alot of time was spend adapting to the new job. I remember how miserable it was, and the support I had from good friends. I gradually grew and adapted, and in my opinion, performed fairly well for my job. I had a group of friends that I climbed fairly regularly with, focused on developing myself, and even took up learning how to trade Forex.
There were many signs and people who tried to bring me back to God. I had colleagues who encouraged me to visit their church, I joined in the workplace fellowship, and even lead worship at one point and had people telling me I was anointed in that area (doesn't mean too much when you have backslidden right?). Even a person who was successful in trading Forex whom I asked for advice, told me first to get my spiritual life right. It's pretty cool thinking back of all the things God had done.
The Turning Point
One of the turning points was when I was in-between jobs. My friend's mum passed away and I attended the wake. During the wake, I met a stranger (which I remember to be my friend's supervisor, but my friend later said he didn't have any supervisors at the wake, and in fact, he doesn't even remember who I met!). The strange point blank asked if I was in-between jobs, then asked me if I was in church. To my "Sorta" reply, he told me that God is waiting for me to return to him, and he will give me my ministry back.
I was stunned and shock to receive such words from a complete stranger. Of course, I recognised that I will need to go back to Him at one point or another.
During this period, God also taught me that I had started looking at the people, and lost focus on God Himself. People may fail, but God is always in full control. Sometimes, I'd placed people on a pedestal and expect way too much out of them. Perhaps even subconsciously, I expect them to be perfect.... not able to make a mistake. Of course, holding such expectations of people will have a bearing on myself. Afterall, the bible says "with the measure you use, it will be measured to you"(Matt 7:2).
Well, it took me another 2 years before I made the decision to go back. What sparked it was actually some troubles between me and my closest friends. So I called my contact in cell (who was then the cell leader) and asked to join in the cell. I, started attending the first cell group, and the rest... well... is history.
The journey after I made my u-turn.... will be another post. :)
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